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FULL STOP
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Around the Island
As I swam as my heart wishes,I didn't realize that it was already far away.The beautiful and colourful corals were hypnotizing and a sense of excitement enveloped me while being away from the shore. I didn't want to go back to the shore just yet. I swam further,still enjoying the waterworld creatures below me until I reached another island. It looked deserted but the white clean sand,the crystal clear water and the swaying of the coconut trees seemed to call me to stay there.
I spent the time collecting shells,building sand castles and writing on the sands. Walking along the beach around the island. Sometimes I had to climb up the slippery rocks. I just moved on,to make one complete round.
I couldn't wait to see the sunset.
Then I saw the stars again.
I spent the time collecting shells,building sand castles and writing on the sands. Walking along the beach around the island. Sometimes I had to climb up the slippery rocks. I just moved on,to make one complete round.
I couldn't wait to see the sunset.
Then I saw the stars again.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
A Walk & Swim To Remember
I long to walk barefooted along the beach, at night while listening to the sound of the waves breaking on the shore and the warmth of the water greeting my feet. There’s no light; just the full moon and its glittering reflection accompanying me.
Tired of walking, I will just sit on the sand and as I sit, the baby crabs will be dancing, giving me way to touch the ground and be one with nature. I will lie down and watch the background of the black velvet sky with specks of stars. I will be totally mesmerized by the Orion, the brightest one The Hunter , staring back at me. The Pleiades, Ursa Major and Corona Borealis, all of them will play their parts in the dark stage above me. They would entertain me all night or listening to my deepest wish or I might fall asleep to the lullaby of breaking waves till black melts to red and then orange, blending with the light blue morning sky.
The golden sunrise will smile at me, wishing me on a wonderful brand new day. The sound of the waves is inviting me to dive in and explore the crystal clear water painted by colourful corals and fishes of all kinds.
Letting myself swim as far as my heart wishes.
To be continued...
Tired of walking, I will just sit on the sand and as I sit, the baby crabs will be dancing, giving me way to touch the ground and be one with nature. I will lie down and watch the background of the black velvet sky with specks of stars. I will be totally mesmerized by the Orion, the brightest one The Hunter , staring back at me. The Pleiades, Ursa Major and Corona Borealis, all of them will play their parts in the dark stage above me. They would entertain me all night or listening to my deepest wish or I might fall asleep to the lullaby of breaking waves till black melts to red and then orange, blending with the light blue morning sky.
The golden sunrise will smile at me, wishing me on a wonderful brand new day. The sound of the waves is inviting me to dive in and explore the crystal clear water painted by colourful corals and fishes of all kinds.
Letting myself swim as far as my heart wishes.
To be continued...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Forever None
It's not easy
to weave a carpet of dreams
from droplets of dew
i want it to be embellished with pearls
so i dived down the deep blue sea
hurry back before the dewdrops leave
will they still be there?
Translated version of 'Kekal Tiada'
Copyright Nazhatulshima Nolan
to weave a carpet of dreams
from droplets of dew
i want it to be embellished with pearls
so i dived down the deep blue sea
hurry back before the dewdrops leave
will they still be there?
Translated version of 'Kekal Tiada'
Copyright Nazhatulshima Nolan
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Best Presentation
My feelings 'fluctuate' so often throughout my Phd journey. I have been sure of what I want to do since the beginning of my first semester. I have my data,my theoretical framework, my methodological framework and have done extensive search on literature review on both accounting and linguistics field. I was like a traveller who had a map to my destination.
In semester 2,last year I presented my proposal to the E faculty. A few members of panel did not seem to understand what I wanted to do. I was not sure whether they were just challenging me when they asked a lot of questions (they were supposed to ask questions anyway) or they really felt what I wanted to do was not acceptable. However, I remember how I managed to answer and justify everything to them and there were moments that a few of the panels helped to clarify certain things to other panels which are not expert in that area.
The satisfaction of knowing how to answer all the questions did not last long when I got the result that I could not present to the graduate studies as they felt that I was not ready. I was so frustrated but both my supervisors,a professor in linguistics and a professor in accounting, were more disappointed than me. Being in the second semester of my first year made me feel that maybe I was not ready after all. I was so down then.
The worst part was when I got the news that my main supervisor resigned. She asked me to search for another supervisor. I started to search but I was told by the postgraduate coordinator that I could still continue working with her although she had retired. She had been a great help and I really appreciate the knowledge that she had imparted to me but I wasn't sure if the faculty was really up to the topic that I'm working on which is more towards linguistics. There was a few months of uncertainties that I don't wish to describe in detail here.
I decided to take one semester leave from study as my teaching load increased to 24 hours per week and plus the 'uncertainties'.
In December, I submitted the SAME draft proposal to a university in the UK to a professor of English. I practically jump up and down when I received her comments:
"Thank you for sending me your draft proposal. This sounds like a very interesting study to me; I think the multi-disciplinary approach you plan to take will be particularly useful. You have clearly investigated the background to your study very thoroughly and are well prepared to undertake the research you propose."
I also presented a part of my work at Sydney University early December 2008 and got encouraging and positive comments.
So, it wasn't that bad after all. My morale went up again.
In January, I registered for semester 3 in E faculty despite my 20-hour teaching load. I decided not to make any changes to the first proposal presentation and I presented the SAME proposal and it was accepted then. I was scheduled to present at Postgraduate Studies on the 12th of February. Of course,I was relieved then.
Another event happened on the 10th of February. Allah tested me again. A big one! Read what happened here.
End of last semester I changed faculty and my main supervisor.
I wanted to take leave from work and concentrate on my research but was not allowed to do that, yet, and I'm teaching 22 hours per week now.
In my previous entry,I described how nervous I was before my presentation.
After I presented and went out from the meeting room, I sat and waited.
One of the panels went out and approached me and said "Phd is not the breadth but the depth". She felt that I wanted to do too much in my research and asked me to just focus on the linguistics research. However, she did mentioned my research got UMPH (whatever that means...my assupmtion-great)
The panel who asked me a lot of questions smiled widely. (Trying to process that)My positive mind says that she was just challenging me and wanted to see how I answered the questions. Despite her 'bullets' of questions, I didn't feel down at all.
Another panel informed that "Yours is THE BEST PRESENTATION that we've seen so far."
My supervisor added,"You DID WELL."
For me,it's not over unless everything is over.
Oh but how I wish it's already from my viva that I got those comments!
In semester 2,last year I presented my proposal to the E faculty. A few members of panel did not seem to understand what I wanted to do. I was not sure whether they were just challenging me when they asked a lot of questions (they were supposed to ask questions anyway) or they really felt what I wanted to do was not acceptable. However, I remember how I managed to answer and justify everything to them and there were moments that a few of the panels helped to clarify certain things to other panels which are not expert in that area.
The satisfaction of knowing how to answer all the questions did not last long when I got the result that I could not present to the graduate studies as they felt that I was not ready. I was so frustrated but both my supervisors,a professor in linguistics and a professor in accounting, were more disappointed than me. Being in the second semester of my first year made me feel that maybe I was not ready after all. I was so down then.
The worst part was when I got the news that my main supervisor resigned. She asked me to search for another supervisor. I started to search but I was told by the postgraduate coordinator that I could still continue working with her although she had retired. She had been a great help and I really appreciate the knowledge that she had imparted to me but I wasn't sure if the faculty was really up to the topic that I'm working on which is more towards linguistics. There was a few months of uncertainties that I don't wish to describe in detail here.
I decided to take one semester leave from study as my teaching load increased to 24 hours per week and plus the 'uncertainties'.
In December, I submitted the SAME draft proposal to a university in the UK to a professor of English. I practically jump up and down when I received her comments:
"Thank you for sending me your draft proposal. This sounds like a very interesting study to me; I think the multi-disciplinary approach you plan to take will be particularly useful. You have clearly investigated the background to your study very thoroughly and are well prepared to undertake the research you propose."
I also presented a part of my work at Sydney University early December 2008 and got encouraging and positive comments.
So, it wasn't that bad after all. My morale went up again.
In January, I registered for semester 3 in E faculty despite my 20-hour teaching load. I decided not to make any changes to the first proposal presentation and I presented the SAME proposal and it was accepted then. I was scheduled to present at Postgraduate Studies on the 12th of February. Of course,I was relieved then.
Another event happened on the 10th of February. Allah tested me again. A big one! Read what happened here.
End of last semester I changed faculty and my main supervisor.
I wanted to take leave from work and concentrate on my research but was not allowed to do that, yet, and I'm teaching 22 hours per week now.
In my previous entry,I described how nervous I was before my presentation.
After I presented and went out from the meeting room, I sat and waited.
One of the panels went out and approached me and said "Phd is not the breadth but the depth". She felt that I wanted to do too much in my research and asked me to just focus on the linguistics research. However, she did mentioned my research got UMPH (whatever that means...my assupmtion-great)
The panel who asked me a lot of questions smiled widely. (Trying to process that)My positive mind says that she was just challenging me and wanted to see how I answered the questions. Despite her 'bullets' of questions, I didn't feel down at all.
Another panel informed that "Yours is THE BEST PRESENTATION that we've seen so far."
My supervisor added,"You DID WELL."
For me,it's not over unless everything is over.
Oh but how I wish it's already from my viva that I got those comments!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Nervous vs Confident
I don't know why I was so nervous last Friday. Perhaps listening to my friends experience presenting for Academy of Language Studies panel makes me so anxious. I tried to stay calm by reciting various Quranic verses and drinking lots of water. I couldn't even eat. It's not butterflies in my stomach. It's more than that. I came half an hour earlier. Reading through my Phd draft proposal,over an over again.
I know what I want to do. Just tell them.
I was called in. There were about 10 of them in the meeting room.
My nervousness melted. I presented and answered all the questions confidently and calmly. Then, I noticed I really know what I wanted to do and there was no hesitation in all my answers. I know a few of them are disturbed by the interdisciplinary nature of my research and difficult to accept why would I want to combine linguistics and accounting field; but most of them seemed to show great interest. I felt like I was already doing my viva when actually I was defencing my proposal.
Thank you Allah. I hope everything will go smoothly after this. There have been lots of hurdles and obstacles in my Phd journey and prayed constantly to make everything easier and that I will complete my research soon.
I know what I want to do. Just tell them.
I was called in. There were about 10 of them in the meeting room.
My nervousness melted. I presented and answered all the questions confidently and calmly. Then, I noticed I really know what I wanted to do and there was no hesitation in all my answers. I know a few of them are disturbed by the interdisciplinary nature of my research and difficult to accept why would I want to combine linguistics and accounting field; but most of them seemed to show great interest. I felt like I was already doing my viva when actually I was defencing my proposal.
Thank you Allah. I hope everything will go smoothly after this. There have been lots of hurdles and obstacles in my Phd journey and prayed constantly to make everything easier and that I will complete my research soon.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Immerse
I long to immerse myself in writing.
Sitting by the window and once in a while looking at the view.
Chirping of the birds becomes my music
or even the sound of the waves accompanying me.
Sipping tea or coffee
with brownies walnut
or chocolate caramel slice.
At night,I'll still sit by the window,
looking at the full moon,
the twinkling stars,
listening to the orchestra of crickets
or the hooting of the owls.
My mind racing and my fingers dancing...nothing else.
Sitting by the window and once in a while looking at the view.
Chirping of the birds becomes my music
or even the sound of the waves accompanying me.
Sipping tea or coffee
with brownies walnut
or chocolate caramel slice.
At night,I'll still sit by the window,
looking at the full moon,
the twinkling stars,
listening to the orchestra of crickets
or the hooting of the owls.
My mind racing and my fingers dancing...nothing else.
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